As we entered the weekend, the original plan was 3 birthdays, we made it to one. I found it difficult telling the story over and over, being surrounded by the notion of life goes on around you. That Saturday we went out as a family, to O’s where I felt I was being starred at my everyone, Jeremy assured me I wasn’t. By the weekend the kids had a full wardrobe and girls were excited to wear their friend’s clothes. We went shopping for a few essentials… which was emotionally devastating.
We went into Victoria Secret, Jeremy had just bought me new bras and underwear for Christmas less than a month before… now normally this would be a fun shopping trip but I found myself breaking down in tears and walking out of the store with the kids. Jeremy took care of the rest…
Shopping was downright horrible, a trip to Meijer to buy one bag of toiletries totally over $100… thankfully we had been given a number of gift cards but it didn’t help the emotional pain. Normally you don’t think about how much razors or toothbrushes cost… now I was aware of every item. I found myself in the toy aisle, tears filling my eyes as I looked at the shelves. My girls had almost every Barbie, that was there current “thing”… they loved playing in their room which is now currently non-existent.
Replacing material possessions brings up the emotional pain over and over, and likely will never stop… I pray time heals this pain.
There are moments of tragedy in your life that will stay burned into your memory and will change the landscape of your family. These times can shape you if you chose to find any small amount of good in them.
4 weeks ago I received a call that runs through my mind non-stop. I will never forget the timeline of January 16…
“Hello are you the owner of non disclosed rd… (yes I am). Your house is on fire, I have your dog, is there anyone else in the house. (No) Have someone drive you the fire trucks are in route.”
Thankfully that day I was out of the house, my children were at school and I just happened to be with a dear friend who kept me calm as we drove from her beautiful home to mine. As we approached we could see the smoke in the sky. The road was lined with fire trucks … my husband in sight who had arrived only moments earlier.
For the next 7 hours, we watched the house burn. Over 20 firefighters were on site, taking turns fighting the fire and when able bringing items out that they rescued… my great grandma’s sewing machine, our wedding album, countless photos that adorned our walls. They went from fighting inside to attack mode multiple times. This fire could not be tamed.
At nearly 8 pm we were able to walk through our once beautifully restored farmhouse built in 1880 that we loved so much it makes me hurt thinking of the memories these walls held for so many decades. Our children’s bedrooms with no roof above and there once favorite things thrown about. Clothes still hanging in their closet almost untouched yet surrounded by insulation and pieces of burned lumber. Every room told a story of the event that day and no longer the laughter & smiles that once was. The majority of my thoughts were how will I tell my children, protect them, not let this hinder them.
That will become the focus going forward as we choose to see the little pieces of good on this tragic day.
As I kissed the kids goodnight that evening staying at our parents home… I asked the girls as I always do. What is your favorite thing today? They both respond “having a sleepover at nana’s” what’s your mommy? That we are safe and have much to be thankful for.
1.16.2018 the day we lost our entire home
A perfect night for painting & ice cream!