Sleep deprived and emotionally strained I continued to stay strong for my three children. Over the weekend we spent times with friends and the girls were able to play as normal. They laughed and smiled, and its as if nothing traumatic had happened only a week prior, which is exactly my wish. That this does not affect them.
I now had a profoundly different view on almost everything. I looked around every house I was in and thought about all the “things.” It was an odd feeling that perplexed me. I drove slower, everything seemed to slow down to a crawling pace. The days seemed to be like weeks, every day we had meetings or had to meet at the house for a different agenda item. Things seemed to be moving quickly but being a realist I am I knew that it would be a full year before we would again have a home of our own.
We looked for the silver lining in every day, every moment. There was so much to be thankful for. Thank god we weren’t home, thank god it wasn’t at night, this could have been so much worst than it actually is. I tell myself this over and over, and likely will be for my entire life. My children aren’t scarred by running out of the home into the cold in the middle of the night and witnessing a fire, a fear they would carry with them forever. Thank God that was not how that day played out. We aren’t planning funerals as the fire was just feet above where my children slept every night for 3 years.
No one plans for tragedy, no one expects this. We fear it, but we never think… that is going to happen to me. There is a less than a 1% chance you will experience a house fire in your life… but we have a choice. This could wreck us or make us stronger. The choice is ours, and it will not define us.
We focus on the good. Our friends, our family, the outpouring of love, support, and prayers. I can feel those prayers, they calm me. They keep me standing, they keep me moving forward.